God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
