me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Come share oat with me in your robe
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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