maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
