after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I love you. Go after that dick
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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