I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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