That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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