apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
