Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
