hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
