weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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