I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
