the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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