24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
