this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
