Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
