oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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