i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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