is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
