I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
