Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
