He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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