You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
