So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
a search helicopter?!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
