i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
