theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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