ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Randomize
