he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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