Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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