can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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