Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
