the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My bed smells like the plague
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
