I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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