well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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