I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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