Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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