you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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