I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
