I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
