Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
