Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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