I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
