Porn is love you can see.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
