I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
