Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
