my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
