dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
