He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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