I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
