mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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