On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
