Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
