we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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