On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
