just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
