i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
