So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
